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Day 1: Hard is Grace too

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made strong in weakness." - 2 cor. 12:9

Find peace in today.

Dear Jesus,

Today is my first day for the 30-day spiritual renewal. Last night I was so excited because I missed that feeling of intense burning passion of wanting to be with You. I used to need nothing and no one but You.
I want it again dear God. I want your presence all around me..everyday. I was so lost. I am an emotional mess right now. Heartbroken that I am, I want to reach out to You oh God. Fill my heart with all of you. I want to feel that eternal happiness again.
I know I have neglected You way too many times. This might be long over due but I'll never forget that You are the same God yesterday and today. Your love is relentless.
So here I am dear God, with all the broken, battered pieces of me. I have nothing to offer You but a yearning heart for a love that I could only find in You.
Lord Jesus, use me however you want to bring glory to Your Kingdom.
Today is kinda sad. I was feeling low all because of an unrequited love from someone who doesn't even deem me worthy. But because of Your grace I was still able to get by just fine. I was even lighthearted. Nothing compares to Your loving presence dear God.
I know I still have a long way to go. But with You by my side, I am confident that I have enough strength to get through this.
Thank You for this day. Thank you for the never ending chances you are giving me.
I missed You.
I love You dear Jesus. Thank You for loving me too.

Starting Anew

Dear God,

It's been a while since I started living on my own..I was never happy no matter how much I thought I was..every now and then I feel You tapping my back telling me to slow down but I pushed through my way anyway...I was too stubborn to realize how far I have been drifting away from You...until my life started to become a mess again..but dear God, even through the mess that I've created I know You've been picking up the pieces for me..I know You've been there all along, patiently waiting for me to call out Your name in my desperate moments..and despite what I've done, You still hear me, You still heal me..and Lord Jesus, I don't even know how to thank You enough for being so faithful and patient with me..Your love is relentless...I am nothing without You oh Lord Jesus..THANK YOU for giving me endless chances..here I am again Dear God, humbly asking for Your forgiveness..heal my heart Oh Lord, renew my mind, empty my soul and fill me with all of You...

I have a lot to thank You for and You know very well what those are, I don't even deserve them but You are so good to me Dear God..thank You..You are a great God and nothing compares to the goodness You've shown me...Dear God, I have asked You this before but I will ask this again, please use me however You want to bring glory to Your name, I have nothing to offer dear God I am not even worthy to be called your servant, but take me Oh Lord, and use me...I give You all of me oh Lord Jesus, all of the broken pieces of me, all of my weaknesses, my sinful nature, take all of it oh Lord and fill me up with all of You..I need You dear Jesus, I want You in my life more than anything else..Lord Jesus bring back the burning desire in my heart, light up the fire of passion that I once had..I am all Yours Jesus, take me as I am...help me die from my old self and start anew with a life full of Your promises and help me live in Your ways..Lord, I am tired of going through the crooked path everytime, hold my hand and take the lead, I can't promise You anything oh Lord, I don't have David's faith, but I believe You are now holding my hand and Your presence is enough to get me going..I strongly believe that You will never let go of me because You never did, not even once, not even when I myself lost my grip on You...Lord Jesus, my life is Yours, have it Your way..

AMEN.

P.S.

I missed You by the way..Thank You for providing me with all of my needs, for looking after my family and for Chito...I don't know what Your plans are but I know they are for our own good..take control of my life dear God..Your will be done..

My faith against the world

Dear God,

Hi! It's been a while. The last time I posted an entry I was very intimate with You that nothing of this world matters to me anymore. But as You already know I am becoming a part of this world again. I was walking with the world instead of You. I am sorry dear God. I am very sorry. I have been through a lot lately. I am struggling in keeping my patience and tightening my grip unto this faith that's almost gone. I don't know how but it started when the financial issues our family had became worse and even up to this moment we're still struggling. But then You we're so generous as our provider, even though we no longer have the previous "luxuries" we had, we still have food to eat, we can still pay the bills, I still have my job and that's more than enough. Thank You for the blessings dear God!The lessons You taught me we're helpful during these times but I admit I am still weak, every now and then I get back to being my "old self" and I almost wanted to quit. God, why is it so hard to walk in righteousness?? People laugh at Your faithful servants, they look at them as if they're a big joke they are ashamed of doing good but were so proud for doing ungodly things. They think they own the life that we owe from You and they never hesitate to submit to the desires of the flesh but struggles in being Christ-like. Forgive me Lord, for I am one of these people. Forgive me dear God, I am but a shame to Your Kingdom. It would be easier if I am not living in this world. There are too many distractions in here and I tried to be always reminded by the phrase " Nothing in this world can separate Your love from me." but here I am almost back to being the "old me". I admit I am not trying hard enough but there were times that whenever I tried to go on, the world throws out stones at me that most of the times I trip and fall. I am sorry for being such a complainer and a quitter dear God.
You also said that we should "Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters." - Hebrews 13:1 but dear God You know how much I'm struggling right now. There are these people who doesn't like me and worst is I was aware of the wrong things I did to them and now I don't know how to make it right. Like for instance, I have this feeling that my cousin hates me.It might be for some things I said about him before so I tried to reach out but dear God it's hard. I tried to reach out but his coldness makes me want to hate him. It was easier hating him because he's too much of an emotional toxin for me. I am sorry Jesus if I find him such a difficult person to love because I don't know how to reach out without him thinking that I am doing this with hidden agenda. Now I do regret that confession I made about more than 2 years ago. Maybe there's a reason why you put him there and if this is a test, I am asking for more strength to endure and persevere, and patience not to give up on him and to those people as well. I wanted to reach out and share Your words to them but when I started thinking about how they think about me I back out because they might think I am such a hypocrite. And with me being my old self again how can I make them see that light You've shown me? These people around me think they knew me. How I was and who I am but they don't know who I am to You. They just see my mistakes and weaknesses so how can I be a light and salt to them? I always have this urge to defend myself every time I'm being judged for being someone I was and someone I've never been. But You are my Vindicator dear God. You can turn things around and You are always in favor of the good and the righteous. But I am a sinner just like them. I hate being judged but I myself judge people and I don't trust most of them. I lie and try to reason out that it's what we call "white lies". I sometimes have ulterior motives in doing good to others. I am selfish and impatient. But You are a King of second, third, fourth and many chances. You are a good God. And I believe in the power of Your name Jesus. I humbly ask for Your forgiveness.I believe in healing from Your Words. I believe in the unconditional love You have for us.Forgive me dear God for being a disobedient servant. Forgive me for my sins Lord and please make me aware of the things I do that is against Your law and forgive me for doing such things as well. You know my heart Lord and You know me well more than anyone else does, not even myself. I pray for the courage to walk out boldly in faith despite of what other people may think. Help me become more of Christ-like than being a people-pleaser. Thank you for the chances You always give me Lord. Thank You for not leaving my side even during those times that I find it hard to feel Your presence. These hardships I'm going through right now is nothing compared to the pain I caused You. Sorry for continuously breaking Your heart dear God. Your Words will heal me dear God. I pray for the grace to discern Your voice whenever You speak to me. I pray for a heart full of gentleness, compassion and love. A sound heart and mind that is guarded by Your Words and promises. Let Your Holy Spirit lead me where You want me to be. My flesh would struggle and resist every now and then but with Your presence, I will keep on walking. Your will be done Heavenly Father. In the powerful name of Jesus Christ our Lord, these I pray. AMEN

THE GREATEST GIFT

Dear Jesus,

It's my BIRTHDAY!!!yey!!I had a fantastic week and it was amazing because nothing special actually happened, same old ordinary days but still I have this smile spread across my face everyday. Thank You so much dear God. I had never been this constantly happy in my life. If I would look at my life right now from my old self's perspective, I would sigh and say:" Everything's the same, I'm getting old and still I don't have the things I want, everyday is a routine and nothing makes me happy anymore.." But being alive in You makes all the difference. Thank You for emptying me and then filling me with all of You. A year ago, which I can't recall how I celebrated my birthday that day, I was that girl with big dreams and bigger frustrations. I struggled in finding the happiness that I always wanted. I crave for people's attention most specially those people I care about the most and I always end up getting disappointed. I always worry about tomorrow and tend to plan ahead. You know how many plans I considered fulfilling but eventually I gave up. Those days I was always frustrated, disappointed and depressed. Until recently, when I was almost about to give up, You made Your way. If it wasn't for You I would still be in that "slum". Thank You for giving me this gift of life, this Christ-centered life. I will be forever grateful dear God for Your amazing love for me. Thank You for the never ending faith You have for me. All through out the 27 years of my life You were there and most of the times I was not even aware. I can't imagine how many times You kept on knocking at my door and I just simply ignored You all because I was too busy holding my life together on my own. There were times when You would rescue me but I don't even realize it was You. At some point, on my 27 years of journey, we met. You have been patiently trying to lead me to that path to victory but whenever I came along an obstacle I go the other way and I end up getting lost again and again. Through the years You have always been patient with me. I abandoned You, countless of times and yet You never gave up on me. You know my heart, and You know what I've been through. I am not worthy for Your unconditional love and yet You still showered me with the multitude of grace with Your presence and Your loving hands reach out to me and upholds me. Thank You for Your healing words. Thanks You for the unconditional love. Thank You for Your never ending patience and for always believing in me. My life with You is what keeps me going. Without You I am nothing, that I am sure of. Thank You for giving me this day and all the days ahead that You have set before me. Thank You for showing me Your ways and carefully molding me into the person You wanted me to be. Thank You for all the blessings that You are generously and abundantly providing me. I can't thank You enough for all the wonderful things You gave me. All the glory, honor and praises to You my Lord Jesus. Thank You for this New Life. Thank You for the greatest gift that I have received all the 27 years of my life. I lay down my life before You dear Lord. Use me however You want, teach me all the things that You would want me to learn, have Your ways and make me Your faithful servant. What lies ahead is beyond my knowledge and my life is beyond my control, so Dear God Your will be done.
I want to spend this week in Bicol if it's according to Your will You know how much I wanted to. I already told You what my birthday wishes are, You know better, so have it Your way. I never really prepared anything for my birthday. But my beloved family prepared something for me and I was really touched by their effort. Thank You Lord for not only looking after me and taking care of me but my family and loved ones as well. Thank You for shining the light in our home, giving hope and love in our hearts and I believe that You are already working Your way to them, the same thing You did for me.
Thank You for everything. My life is in Your hands, I will never have a reason to worry. I Love You my dearest Father in Heaven, The King of all Kings and the Most High. It's a privilege to be Your servant, an unworthy person but was redeemed by Your saving grace. I humbly offer my life to You oh Lord. I am not perfect but I want to do good things, all for Your glory. I am weak but I trust the Holy Spirit to lead me and be my strength. Grant me the courage and strength to fulfill the plans You have for me. I trust my life in You dear Jesus. You are my refuge and strength. You will be the mighty hands that upholds me and will never let me go no matter what. You will be my shelter during the storms and only through You will I find peace. You will be my generous provider in times of needs. You will be my shield against the attacks of the enemies. At times when I'm lost I will have the faith that You will find me. I want to seek You more dear Jesus. I want to delve deeper into Your Words. I want more of You in my life. I give You all that I am. I am Yours and You will be with me. I am forever grateful. You my Lord Jesus Christ is the greatest gift of all.

Walking with Jesus

Dear Jesus,

I missed writing, and I have so much to write about that I started creating a new blog. I don't have any post yet but I'll be starting soon. For now, since I was able to keep up with my reading plans, I wanted to take this opportunity to at least put into writing what I have in mind and heart right now which I'm sure You're well aware of by now. To start off I just want to extend my deepest gratitude to You for working on every details of my life dear God. I am deeply overwhelmed by Your saving grace and unconditional love for me. I can't even find the best word to describe the feeling. It's just more than great!! Everyday I am always surprised not only by the blessings that You keep on showering me but the changes that I was seeing in me. I owe it all to You dear Jesus. Without You I will be nothing. I can make a list of improvements in myself right now but I can't take any credit from anything out of that list because it was all by Your grace and mercy that made all of those changes possible. I will be sharing each experiences I had with my Walk with You through that blog that I will be creating and I am really excited about it. There are so many things that I wanted to write about, but for today I wanted to write about this issue I have in mind. I believe that each person You put in my life were there for certain purposes. It's just that today I realized that most of my best friends we're gay and somehow I wondered why was that so. I haven't read a scripture from the Bible yet that talks about gay people but I believe one of these days You would lead me to it. You know what I've been through. I have a dark past that only selected people know about. It was something that I can't bring up to anyone because of fear of being judged. I am not the person I was but still there were times when the past keep tapping me on the back. When I saw my best friend from high school earlier with her girlfriend, I felt pain. Not because she didn't seem to recognize me anymore but because I felt sorry for her and I felt helpless that I didn't even dare to approach her. Yesterday I was elated when finally I was able to share the relationship I have with You to my guy best friend. That was an answered prayer though I never thought it would be him. Your ways are really surprising. Today he told me that he's in a relationship again. I admit Lord that I have a hard time finding the right words to say. I am happy that he's happy but I am deeply bothered because something tells me that it's not according to Your will. I don't have the right to tell him what to do. But as his best friend, I wanted him to take the walk with me too and I believe that You are using me to reach out to him. Dear Jesus, show me how because I honestly don't know how to go about it. Now I'm thinking that this might be the purpose You have for me. My best friend from childhood, high school and even in college were gay and at some point I was once too. Then I read from one of the reading plans that we have to let go of the past but never to run from it. It doesn't make sense right now. But what do You say about this God?
Dear Jesus, grant me the grace to discern the purpose You have for me, I also pray for courage and strength to fulfill that purpose. Please continue using me dear Jesus to reach out to other people and share Your words. I wanted to go deeper into Your words to have the strength and protection during times of weakness. Forgive me for not doing the things I'm supposed to do, for being fearful and lacking the courage. Forgive me for being judgmental and for those times that I let my own willpower take over me. Thank You for Your faith in me dear God even during those times I fail You. Thank You for being such a generous Provider, my mighty Savior and a loving Friend. I still have a long way to go and by Your grace I pray for Your Holy Spirit to lead my heart, mind and soul and show me the areas I'm not aware of that You would want me to work on with the help of Your Holy Spirit. I pray that I may become a blessing to others and be an efficient instrument in leading them to Your righteousness and bring Glory to Your name. All these I ask, in Your most powerful name Lord Jesus Christ. AMEN.

How Great is our God

Dear Jesus,

At this very moment while I'm typing this entry, You know clearly what I'm thinking and feeling. Sorry for giving into this sadness. My heart should not be troubled, You said. This will pass though. It's just that I can't seem to free myself from earthly desires. I admit that I still am a people-pleaser, forgive me for putting myself and others first before You. Forgive me for the hidden motives I have when doing things that I thought might please You but I was just too proud. I always look for the easier way when I was trying to obey You. I was walking with You and yet I took those shortcuts because of my selfish desires. And also because of the consequences that I was apprehensive of. Forgive me for I was half-hearted in seeking righteousness and Spiritual maturity. I kept on telling You that I will follow Your way and yet I still struggled and stumbled because I was living for myself. I have been consumed by my selfish desires and without even knowing it I have used my mortal body as an instrument for impurity and wickedness like the things I look at, the clothes I wear, the things I say,the thoughts I keep, the feelings I entertain, the things I do and even with the treatment I give to people. I have been showing off my strengths while I was concealing my weaknesses. Instead of following the commands of the Holy Spirit, I was following the dictates of the flesh. But with Your grace dear God, You shed a light upon me, exposing these things that I was unaware of before. Thank You for showing me where I stumbled and for holding out Your mighty hand again to pick me up. And what's more amazing was, You never ceased in loving me. In fact, the more I get to know You, the more I found my worth in You. I was really overwhelmed when You told me that I was Your masterpiece. Thank You for helping me understand Your ways. There are still things that are too incomprehensible but You always speak to me in ways that would make me understand. I now have the answers for some of those question I had before. Those answers came not by the time I was expecting it but it came exactly when I needed it. Thank You dear Jesus! Your ways are the best! I no longer worry that much about my singleness. And even though there are things that have been stripped off from my life I, through Your Words, I have learned to live through it. I was just starting with this journey and yet the promises You have for me was already countless. You my Lord, was indeed the Greatest. Your love for me was amazing and it always brings me into tears whenever I'm reminded how much You care about me, how much You unconditionally love me. I

Exposed

Dear Jesus,

I can't thank You enough for always doing amazing things in my life. To start off, I can feel myself changing into a better person than I was day by day. There were times when I am actually on my weakest point but with Your grace I always survive. Thank You for teaching me those things that I needed to learn. It's true indeed that Your Words have the power to heal and it also gives me wisdom and hope for all the promises You have for us. Thank You for working on my emotions and my thoughts which for me was the hardest to control. Without You I won't be able to manage it. There are still a lot of issues that I've been dealing with my life. But since I have You, to guide me and fight for me it is easier now because You're always there to lead me and show me what I need to do. And just like what You made me realized earlier; that I have been denying this unresolved issue I had with that someone. I myself didn't even know that I still have it because I've been convincing myself that I'm over it. I even think we're in good terms now, that I no longer hate him and he no longer affects me. The surprising truth was, I have been doing things that I thought doesn't really mean anything but deep inside I was trying to find a way to get even with him. I kept on convincing myself that I'm just holding back because I was afraid that the past might creep back in but the truth was I hold back because I still hate him. I myself, got off guard with that realization and looking back on those things I've done it does makes sense now why there's still an uneasy feeling deep inside me. I'm not over it completely. Thank You for making me realize these things that I was not even aware of before. You can really see right through each one of us that even this hidden grudges I had have been exposed. When I saw that young couple on that jeepney earlier, I saw him and it made me think about how I would feel if I see him like that. Asking myself, would I still get hurt? get jealous? or would it make me hate him even more? I almost cried realizing that I'm not that kind of person anymore. You have freed me from hurt, jealousy and hate. With Christ in me, I would be glad to see him with someone and as happy as those couple. Dear God, forgive me for being so selfish and proud. Thank You for showing me what I needed to do. As Your child I should be free from grudges and I am not selfish. You have taught me how to love. And with You I can love everyone no matter who they are, even if they wronged me or hate me, even if I find them difficult to be with, I will love them like the way You taught me. It is easier said that done, yes, but through You I can do it. I am Your child and I am invincible. I am capable of loving because You are my God and from this day on I will not hold back in giving away the love that You have generously filled my heart with.

God's grace under pressure

Dear Jesus,

I've been asking too many questions these past few days. There are a lot of things going on with my life and most of them are quite depressing. I'm sorry if I have been wallowing myself again in despair. I don't understand most of these things but I appreciate the ways You showed me the answers to those questions I have. Your words speaks to me whenever I needed it. It's amazing how aware You are of my needs even if I didn't ask for it. I'm sorry for those questions I had earlier and for always feeling that I'm by myself all the time. Only You know very well where I'm coming from. I admit that sometimes I forget about how much You love me. I always doubt that good things are about to happen because everything that I'm seeing and experiencing right now makes me lose hope. But You are there as always and giving me the grace to go on. I'm hanging in here because of You. Whenever You remind me of the promises You have for me I get the motivation I need to never stop where I'm at. That all of this is just temporary and eventually all Your wonderful plans will be revealed. I will never ever make it through without You. Please continue leading me on this journey. You know better what to do. Sorry for those times I try hard to figure things out by myself. For doing things on my own because that's what I'm comfortable of. It's true that doing the right thing is hard. There are things You would told me to do but since it's out of my comfort zone I do it my way instead which leads me into creating my own mess then I'd end up being so miserable. I don't have faith like David's dear God, but You have given me the grace of perseverance. I would fall a million times but I firmly believe that You're always there to pick me up whether I asked for it or not. I am a wreck under construction. I am a cracked pot being molded by Your loving hands. Thank You for showing me how much I mean to you. For helping me understand Your ways. Thank You for taking in control whenever I no longer know what to do. Thank You for all the blessings and for being a generous provider. I'm sorry that I overlooked most of the good things You surrounded me with. Thank You for cheering me up whenever I feel down and for always reminding me that I was never alone, Your presence keeps me company. Thank You for implementing the discipline I needed. I admit it doesn't feel good sometimes, being disciplined, my human flesh is screaming, resisting in despair but You reminded me that it is for my own sake.I'm sorry that I was passive and lax most of the times in dealing with my attitude when facing every obstacles along the way like whenever You would ask me to do something I find reasons to get myself out of it or when You're reminding me not to do it, I do otherwise. Lord Jesus, help me work on my disobedience and my self-doubt. I'm handing over all my bad habits, doubts, fears, sadness, weaknesses, problems and all the negativity in my life to You dear Jesus, You know better what to do. I'm asking for Your grace to keep me away, protected, from these dark clouds over my head pouring heavy rains unto me, trying keeping me out of the path You're leading me to. Help me become an effective doer because I'm just being a forgetful listener. Thank You for working on my life and helping me become a better person. I'm also asking for the grace to help me become a blessing to others. I want to be able to share the kind of love You always have for me. Use me however You want to let others grow deeper in love with You and each other. I admit, for me this is easier said than done but Your grace will make all of this possible, through You and with You we can make it happen. Help me to never forget and be always reminded that You have everything under control and whatever challenges, problems and obstacles I have to go through, no matter how big as a giant they are, You are bigger than all of them, You are God Almighty. In all things, through Your abundant grace, Your never ending goodness and with Your unconditional love for us, the greatness and power of Your most Holy name, Lord Jesus Christ, will always prevail. AMEN.

Change Me

Dear Jesus,

It's been a while. And I know that You know why I was not updating You through my journal. Yep! I just deleted that paragraph trying to explain why. There's no need, You already know and You understand.
Remember that day when I prayed asking for You to change me and make me a better person? I didn't remember exactly when that was but I remember how easy for me to say that. "Change Me". I was imagining myself being transformed to a better version of me. I was aware that I would have to go through different processes, polishing me and molding me to be that better person. But I never realized how hard that would be. Now that I'm undergoing through it..I almost wanted to quit. You know how I wallowed myself in despair whenever I disobey You. How I hated myself whenever I lose my temper. How lost and confused I was when I was pulling away from You. My heart was still vulnerable to fears and doubts while my mind was still polluted at times. It was like I haven't learned anything at all.
Earlier You made me realize what that was all about. Why I was like that these past few weeks. You made me smile again and I want to Thank You for that dear God.
The Pain of Oppression. If I would describe it, it would be like going through Fractional Laser Therapy. It evens out the rough edges of the scars and clears the dark sports revealing a pinkish new layer of skin. But before achieving that perfect beautiful skin it will take time and each session would be very painful. Every after session your face will be red and swollen but eventually would heal. One session is not enough and it depends on how deep the scars are. I had my first session last summer and I almost wanted to jump out of the reclining chair and punch the dermatologist in the face. I almost crushed the assistant's hands holding my hands during the session. It was a burning sensation and I could literally smell my burning skin. After that I had to work that night and I was so conscious of my face because everyone noticed how red and swollen it was.
Now looking back on what I had gone through these past few weeks I realized that You have already started changing me and I didn't even noticed it. I kept on asking You to help me become someone selfless, patient, obedient and so on. I thought it would be easy.I was patient but only around people that I can easily be patient with or I can be selfless for this person but not with the other. I am obedient but only when the task You were giving me was easy. I thought I was already going through the test until You put the real test on. Now I have these people that makes me lose my temper. There are instances that it's so hard to be selfless. I disobey You because the task needs too much effort and my reason was always because I'm weak. So I asked for the strength then You put those burdens along the way,those burdens I have to carry to make me strong but it almost made me quit.
Learning about what You were teaching me was easy. I can talk about the things I need to do and what not to do. I would tell myself, just be like this, be like that, do this, don't do that. But applying it on my daily life was way too hard. Whenever I'm at the "test" I no longer know what to do. I was a forgetful listener and an ineffective doer. It was because of the Pain of Oppression. I kept on saying that I was weak but the truth was I can't handle that pain of oppression. I only hear the Words but I don't apply it.
Like for example, this test I had for my temper or mood control. Yesterday my youngest brother kept on playing with this ball. I told him to stop it because it's annoying and yet he still continues with it. If it was a different person and not someone that reminds me of how my father betrayed our family, I would've just ignored it. But looking at him and thinking about how different it would have been if he didn't exist fed up my temper. A small voice was trying to calm me but it was already too painful to resist. I hit him with the ball he's playing and kept that ball away from him.
It was always like that. Every test that I go through, there's this on-going battle inside me. The pain of oppression was always getting on my way. It hinders me from continuing with whatever it is that I needed to do. It takes a different form depending on the situation I'm at. It's too early to say that I'm a failure. I haven't given up yet. Thank You for always believing in me Dear Jesus. I will always keep on trying until I made it through and I know You will never give up on me. Thank You for helping me understand Your ways. Thank You for always hearing my prayers and answering it in the way I may not understand sometimes but through You I will know the plans You have for me.

I miss You and him

Dear Jesus,

Hi! I want to Thank you for making me feel better now. I missed how I used to talk to You about almost everything that I'm doing everyday, seeking for guidance, giving thanks, and asking for help whenever I needed to. I want to say sorry for being such a complainer and for pulling away from You these past few days. Instead of focusing on the Now, I kept on visiting the past and peeking into the future which made matters worse. My emotions caught me off guard and it drowned me. But Thank You for not letting go of me. You really are the best! Sorry for the complains about my family. I love them because they are the only people in this world that I can be most comfortable with and thank You for giving them to me. Thank You for making me realize that I was focusing on the bad things instead of counting my blessings. I was miserable because I let every circumstance affect me that I forgot about how invincible I was through You. I admit that it's easier to be obedient and focus on the right things to do when I'm not going through something difficult. I was like the sea, so calm and peaceful during bright clear days, and yet in great turmoil during a storm. Lord Jesus, how can I be still during these storms? Please teach me.
I know You heard my request earlier asking for Sunshine from You, to have him spending the rest of my life with. He still has a girlfriend right now and it's been a while since the last time we got in touch. Our friends said that he already applied in our company. I'm not sure if he made it but I'm praying that he did. I don't know how I could make my wish happen but You can. So this is my greatest wish dear God, that if it is according to Your will, I want to be spending rest of my days with him. You know how he changed me. He was there while I was nursing my broken heart. His name is one of Your angels and thank You for sending him, he was such an angel indeed. I didn't have the chance to give back the special attention he gave me. He was a very good friend and I miss so much. If only I stayed,..but there are reasons why I'm no longer there, reasons I may not understand but I'm sure You have better plans. Things might have changed but with You nothing is impossible!Your will be done dear Lord Jesus Christ I pray in Your most powerful name.AMEN.